40 Questions to Ask Yourself BEFORE You Date Him (for Christian Single Women)

Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols is a singer-songwriter based in Nashville, Tennessee. She is also the founder of Quite Women Co.!
Morgan Harper Nichols

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As women, sometimes we have the tendency to let our emotions do the talking when it comes to making decisions in our lives. This is especially common when we begin new relationships. As a result of this, many of us end up in relationships where we wish we had done things differently, or we wish we had known more in the beginning. However, sometimes we are just so happy to be with this guy that we are afraid to dig too deep, or start asking too many questions for fear that we might mess things up, or scare him away before things even get started.

But we have to do that. By dating someone, you are agreeing that you could possibly end up being committed to this person through marriage and maybe even have an offspring with them. Yes, it’s a lot to think about early on, but you have to consider these things.

Because of this, we have to stir things up and start asking some questions. And if you happen to scare him away by asking him questions, then he isn’t worth having a relationship with you!

Below are some questions you can ask yourself before you change that Facebook status to “In A Relationship.” Of course there will be exceptions, but we just wanted to help you get started!

These questions aren’t anything revolutionary and it’s also possible that there could be some teeny little grey areas, but more than likely, these are questions that you can work your way through before you decide to be in a committed relationship:

      1. Have you ever heard him talk about his parents? If so, is he respectful?
      2. Would he rather TALK to you than text?
      3. Is he respectful toward you around his friends?
      4. Would you be okay with him spending time with your dad (or the fatherly figure in your life) when you aren’t around?
      5. Would you be okay allowing him to see you when your makeup/hair is not done?
      6. Does he have a father/mentor figure whom he seeks to model himself after?
      7. Does he give you more non-physical compliments than physical compliments?
      8. Does he have a job to support himself?
      9. Does he handle his money well?
      10. Do you have the same beliefs when it comes what matters to you most?
      11. Has he met your parents?
      12. Have you talked about short term goals?
      13. Do your short term goals align?
      14. Have you talked about long term goals?
      15. Do your long term goals align?
      16. Does he stop when you say “stop?”
      17. Does he respect your body?
      18. Have you had dialogue about what you believe and why?
      19. Do you know anything about his past relationships?
      20. Does he know anything about your past relationships?
      21. Is his main reasons for being attracted to you non-physical?
      22. Are your main reasons for being attracted to him non-physical?
      23. Do the people you trust the most approve of him?
      24. Do the people he trusts the most approve of you?
      25. Is he involved in his local church, charity, missions, or has a desire to help others?
      26. Has he ever offered to help with a project or something you were working on or stressed about?
      27. Does he try his best to stay clear of dangerous activities (texting/drinking and driving, speeding, other illegal activities)?
      28. Is he willing to admit when he is wrong?
      29. Is he a person of integrity (not willing to cheat, steal, or lie even if no one is looking)?
      30. Is he sensitive towards people with disabilities, people who are elderly, etc.?
      31. Do you have the same beliefs when it comes to children?
      32. Do you feel comfortable when he’s around the people you are closest to?
      33. Does he show an interest in the things you are interested in?
      34. Have you ever seen him help someone?
      35. Do you feel safe around him?
      36. Do you feel that he would protect you in a time of need?
      37. Do you feel that he will stand up for you?
      38. Do you feel that you would stand up for him?
      39. Do you see him as someone you could spend the rest of your life (and maybe even have children) with?
      40. Does he love God more than he loves anyone else?

If your answer is yes to most of these questions, then it sounds like you may have a good thing going.

If your answer was no more than a couple of times, you should take your time and perhaps get to know each other as friends before you move further. Also, don’t be afraid to see the women, and married couples in your life that you know you can trust and be honest with you. Most importantly, make it a priority to seek God in your decisions when it comes to your relationship.

Are there any other questions you would add?

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Written by Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols is a singer-songwriter based in Nashville, Tennessee. She is also the founder of Quite Women Co.!

22 Comments

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pisanow89

this is PERFECT. of course a lot of these things i think in my head, but i never had a LIST to make sure i dont miss anything…i’ll def. be referring to this when i’m ready for a relationship!!

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Naomi D.

Oh man..havent made it far enough to ask these questions but maybe someday
glad i found it though

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Andrea Miller

Ahhhh so many girls need this. Thank you! Sharing it for sure!

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Rebekah Pyron

hmmm..can’t say I agreewith every single one but there are a lot good points in here

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Julie

#40 should be the first question. If that is yes, many others will be a non issue.

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AC

I agree. #40 should be the first question. Because if he says yes, you know to run away from the psycho as soon as possible and not waste your time.

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Speranza

Or because God should be #1 in all of our lives.. After all none of us would be here if it weren’t for his mercy and love.

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Ally Smith

thats a personal opinion..you have to consider the FACT that not all people have the same religious beliefs and this is the internet so lets be respectful.

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Truth

No Speranza has it right, and she wasn’t disrespectful.
Jesus is our savior, that’s a fact and whether you “believe” it or not, doesn’t change absolute truth. It’s not a “religious belief” its the Truth, and its a relationship with our Lord and Savior. This is not be being “disrespectful”, this is me being passionate about what I know, not a “personal opinion”. Truth is truth, regardless of opinion. What’s “disrespectful” is telling someone they can’t share their “personal opinion” while making yours
Quite obvious.

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Jamie Grace

Hey, I’m gonna add to the convo really quick… though we haven’t talked about this article, I do know the author of this post. It doesn’t at all say “in this order.” Every relationship will be different and you can’t script the convo. That’s why these questions are important before the relationship begins :)

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LuAnn Callaway Ph.D

It is far from disrespectful to compile a list that includes a question regarding God. In America 86% have some kind of relationship with the God they believe in. Einstein said, “what we believe about God is the most important information about us.” I have a Ph.D in psychology and ask a question about God in every intake assessment. If I had time I would explain how incredibly helpful it is to the counselor, (and the possible romantic interest) it really becomes. Your reaction to the question says a lot about you.

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Amanda

The title of the article does include “for CHRISTIAN Single Women.”

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Truth

BTW
Quite is a CHRISTIAN publication, so no, I will not censor our “personal beliefs”

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Shiela

This is really great. The first kind of this article I’ve seen that isn’t sexist at all. Luckily, I’m dating someone and I could say “yes” to most of these questions about him. Mind you, I’m only 16; but I still think this is important to think about and I am saving it for future relationships as well! Thank you!

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Dillen

Too littlemissbrighteyes. I was just scrolling through and your coment stood out too me, yeah sure if u are into a guy that ticks all your boxes as a guy i dont like lires… But people who steal and cheat. Thats them. And not me, you are who you are and dont let anyone change that, if they dont like what you have too offer them then tuff titties to them.
Wether you are a verry bad girl 😉 or a good girl :)
I hope u can see that.

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Lauren Thomas

This is awesome! I finally have a list of the questions I ask myself anyway. Wonderfully written article!!

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Bill Davis

The question comes up, “What if you’re involved in an online relationship? Some or most of these questions don’t apply.”
Yes they do. If you insist that “No they don’t” and you overlook these qualities, I’m 100% certain that after the relationship disintegrates, you could easily put the blame on where he fell short in regards to the ’40 Questions’ list.

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